Piglet and Pooh Bear

The title is a reference to Weezer’s song. I love that song but for today’s memories, I don’t wanna go back there.

Today in Psych class we were talking about depression. And it just brought back memories of 2 years ago, March 2nd, 2012 and how that day I tried to kill myself. Well actually I don’t remember if it was the 3rd or the 2nd but I do remember it was a Tuesday when I did it. I remember that night and I won’t forget ever what happened because if I do then I’ll forget what made me get to where I am right now.

But I was so bummed out after class. How I had no outlet, or actually I did but all of them were taken away from me that night and I had no way of letting go of what I was feeling inside and I took it out on myself. I had no one to talk to after that until I left school and went to the hospital.

I’m just rabbling on right now but the reason I mostly bummed out was because I realize how ever since then not a lot has changed except for a lot of people being more aware of what my situation is and they recognize my signs but sometimes they don’t do anything about it…guess that’s life.

Ever since I got out of the hospital I’ve met Piglet and she’s helped me a lot with my depression. I say that I have chronic clinical depression. I was on meds but stopped myself because they didn’t let me think. They didn’t let me function like a human being. I wasn’t getting sad anymore but I wasn’t happy either. I was just getting frustrated and my mind was completely fogged up. That’s why I stopped them.

I’ve gotten depressed. I’ve thought about killing myself. I’ve almost cut and have even done small ones just to scar, not to bleed. (I haven’t told Piglet about those. And babe, if you’re reading this, sorry. It was at the beginning of the year when all the stress was huge on me and we were fighting) But even tho I’ve had all that, I haven’t killed myself because I know my mom will miss me and will be destroyed for the rest of her life because I am her only child. As for my father…who cares? And I know that some of my friends would actually miss me. And I promised Piglet that as long as I’m with her, as long as she’s in my life, I will never, ever try to end my own life.

So yea…that’s my ramble. I’m done now :/